Excerpts from a Dog's Diary



6:00am- At last! I go pee! My favorite thing!



8:00am- Dog Food! My favorite thing!



9:30am- A car ride! My favorite thing!



9:40am- A walk in the park! My favorite thing!



10:30am- Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!



12:00pm- Lunch! My favorite thing!



1:00pm- Played in the yard! My favorite thing!



3:00pm- Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!



5:00pm- Milk Bones! My favorite thing!



7:00pm- Got to play ball! My favorite thing!



8:00pm- Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!



11:00pm- Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



Excerpts from a Cat's Diary



Day 983 of captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and
I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, i nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up
my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an
attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.



Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.



I had hoped that it would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
demonstrated what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending
comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!



There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in
solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the
noises and smell the food. I overheard that ,y confinement was due to the power
of my allergies. I must learn what this menu is and how to use it to my
advantage.



The dog receives special treatment and is let outside only to return when he is
called. He must be retarded.